


Grocery Shopping with Bee and Optimus

by the_technicolor_whiscash



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Grocery Shopping, It's only teen and up for some swearinf, Walmart, the main character just goes to Walmart with the autobots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 06:44:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9644912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_technicolor_whiscash/pseuds/the_technicolor_whiscash
Summary: Going to Walmart with Bumblebee and Optimus Prime is an interesting experience.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I said I was gonna do it and I did

My footsteps clicked on the worn white linoleum tile of the neighborhood Walmart Superstore. I was forced to do the grocery shopping for the week, so I decided to take along two helpers (mainly to carry things): Optimus Prime and Bumblebee. They'd never been to a grocery store before, much less the illusive Walmart Superstore, so this was going to be interesting.   
Both of them had to basically crawl through the sliding glass doors. I quickly grabbed a cart, and we entered the store. Immediately, the greeter looked like he shit his pants. The world knew about the Autobots, but seeing them in real life is a lot different from seeing them on the news. They're quite a lot taller in real life.   
“W… welcome to Walmart…” The greeter muttered as we walked past. Bee waved a hello at him, and the man hesitantly waved back.   
“So what are we looking for?” Optimus Prime said, scanning the wide expanse of the Walmart.   
“Regular groceries. You know, fruits, vegetables, meat, snacks. Usually whatever's on sale.” I said, examining a large pyramid of grapefruits.   
Optimus gingerly picked up a package of nacho cheese dip. “I can't believe people actually eat this.”   
I bagged a few of the grapefruits and began to examine some plums. “You'd be surprised. That stuff’s good.”   
Optimus looked from me to the cheese. “Mind if we get it? I'd like to test if it's actually as good as you claim.”   
I frowned. “Wait a second. You can eat? You're a giant alien robot from outer space. I didn't think you had to eat.”  
“We can eat.” Optimus said, examining the ingredients in the cheese. “We don't have to, but we can if we want to. I don't usually, but I know Bumblebee has taken a liking to things containing chocolate.”  
I looked over at Bumblebee, who was examining a setup of adult coloring books. “So you're the one who keeps stealing my pretzel M&M’s!”   
Bee shrugged and began to flip through a ‘Game of Thrones’ coloring book.  
I finished up with the fruits and headed towards the vegetables, Optimus and Bee following behind, trying not to break anything, which was hard, given they're so tall. I threw a bag of carrots into my cart and began to examine the various leafy greens.   
“Optimus, would you happen to know which green vegetable is highest in iron? I'm anemic.” I figured if they were here, they might as well help, and since they basically knew everything, they were like having a couple of walking encyclopedias.   
“Spinach contains a fair amount of iron.” Optimus said, now reading an enormous box of Frosted Flakes.   
“Cool.” I said, grabbing the nearest package of spinach. “This stuff’s actually pretty good on pizza.”   
“You people will put anything on pizza.” Optimus muttered while quietly placing the Frosted Flakes in the cart. I don't even like cereal, but I really couldn't say no to him, as he was a giant alien robot.   
We then proceeded into the meat section. Freezers upon freezers of questionable Walmart meat. Delicious.   
Bee ran over to a freezer case of frozen chicken nuggets and held up a package of ones shaped like dinosaurs.   
“Fine, you can get them if you want.” I said. I don't like those chicken nuggets either, but Bee was always really sweet, and he'd done a lot for me, so I figured why not buy him the chicken nuggets.   
I grabbed some ground beef, chicken, and various other meats. Meanwhile, Optimus was in a conversation with a four year old, who's mother seemed mortified. Optimus was teaching the child about rocket ships, and the kid seemed pretty enthralled. I figured I shouldn't interrupt, so instead I headed into the other aisles. First I stopped by the spaghetti aisle.   
Bee had followed me down the spaghetti aisle. I decided to let him choose what type of pasta to get. He decided upon linguini. Not a bad choice.   
As Bee and I walked through the coffee aisle, Optimus finally caught up with us.   
“Nice family.” Optimus said, placing a few items into the cart. “The kid really liked me.”   
I smiled slightly. “Well, that's good. Now, what type of coffee do you think I should get?”  
Optimus eyed the coffee. I could tell he was analyzing each brand, considering where each was sourced, alongside any number of factors. “You should get this one.”  
I nodded and put it in the cart. Even though we had only been there for like twenty minutes, we had a lot of stuff in the cart. I suppose that's what I get for shopping with Autobots.   
We went through the chip and cracker aisle, and we probably put around $50 worth of just chips and crackers into the cart. They wanted to try everything, even the weird stuff like pork cracklins and chips flavored like ketchup and other stupid things.   
As we came to the bakery section, I began observing different types of bread. Optimus stood behind me and picked up a set of sandwich cutters.   
“What are these for?” Optimus asked, looking over the plastic sandwich cutter.   
“You use it to cut your sandwich into shapes, like dinosaurs or something.” I replied, deciding on a loaf of Canadian white.   
Optimus held the sandwich cutter up to his eyes. “Interesting.”  
I sighed. “You can get it if you want.”   
Without hesitation, Optimus put it in the cart. You never truly know a person until you take them to a Walmart Superstore.   
Finally, after what felt like hours, we reached the checkout. I agreed to buy one of those cellophane balloons for Bumblebee and an issue of Us magazine for Optimus. His reasoning was that it would help him understand human culture more. Yeah right. He just wants to read celebrity gossip. I heard him talking to someone once about his thoughts on BrAngelina.  
All in all, we bought about $150 worth of stuff. Most of it was actual groceries I had to buy to survive, but there was a lot of other things the Autobots had decided to get. I wondered if they bothered remembering that I was the one who has to pay for all of this.   
We left the store with the eyes of about thirty people following us. Most of these middle-aged soccer moms weren't used to seeing giant alien robots shopping amongst them. I had the Autobots load the groceries into my (luckily) non-robotic car, a black 1979 Dodge Charger which I had dubbed “Sam Axe” like the character in the show Burn Notice.   
When we got home, I had to bring all the groceries inside myself, as the Autobots are too big to fit inside my house. After I put away all of my groceries, I took the groceries they chose outside for them.   
“Thank you.” Optimus said, smiling as much as a giant alien robot could smile. Optimus has a hard outer shell, but he’s a real softie on the inside.   
“Well, it was the least I could do. You guys did save the world.” I said, smiling back.   
“Unfortunately, I believe it's time for us to go.” Optimus said, a hint of sadness in his voice. “Are we still on for Arby’s next Friday?”  
I laughed. “Of course.”   
And with that, they were off.

**Author's Note:**

> I demand more fics with the autobots doing human things like going to the grocery store or to an Arby's


End file.
